Time

Time...

I think about it a lot here. Not in the same way I did before...not at all. Before, it was always, what time do I need to be there? what time does so and so need to be picked up? What time do I need to get up to be where I need to be?
Time is just different here. It feels like a gift. It is not that I have more time here...I still have the same 24 hours in a day that I always had before. It's just that I have the opportunity here to use my time more wisely and fill my days with things that will build me instead of keeping me so busy that I don't have time to think about developing my own self .
As I look at the little countdown chart in Emma's room (that is how we measure the days here) and realize that we only have 19 more days .....time is becoming even more precious to me now.
I have prayed every morning and night since coming here that I would be able to use this time to do good things.
Often we put our kids in "Time Out" when they were little. I have learned that it is not just to be used as a punishment.....it is a reward. Everyone needs it now and then. I feel like this has been a big "Time Out"for me here. I am going to miss it more than I even can imagine right now.
I will miss my quiet mornings to read and study things that strengthen me. My long walks along the beach by myself or with a child that needs time with me. Time to sit with Lane on a cliff overlooking the ocean and just talk about our goals and dreams for the future. Time to laugh and play in huge waves with my kids. Time to read to them in the hammock. Time to help Abram with Math for hours and actually enjoy doing it because I really have nothing else to do. Time to spend hours visiting teaching because that is how long it takes here. Time to think about how I want to spend my time today...
As I write this, I realize that I do not have to miss these things, because I don't have to give them up. I just have to make time for them when we get back to our real life. I will still have the same 24 hours in a day that I have here. I still have the agency as to how I use my time. It will take a little more work on my part, but I know that I can still fit all these good things in my life. There will be many more things pulling on me and demanding a piece of my time, but I have the choice. We all have the choice.
I happen to love quotes and one of my favorite from a General Conference past is this:

"We become what we want to be, by consistently being what we want to become."

Richard G. Scott

This last year has largely been about "becoming" for me and I only hope that I can take what I have learned and bring it back with me to a world that is much more demanding, yet full of so many wonderful things as well. I feel renewed and strengthened. I feel so much love for my children and for Lane. We have been a team. We have been so together, it is crazy sometimes how together we have actually been. We have made memories here that we could never recreate anywhere else.
I feel so blessed to have had this TIME. One thing I have learned is how quickly time passes. This has taught me to appreciate the wonderful moments and to be patient during the not so good moments, because both of those moments will pass quickly.
It is the moments that make up our lives. I am grateful for all the moments in this past year.